I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
