Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
