Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize
