it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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