You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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