Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
