OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
