New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
