And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
