I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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