I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
it wasn't lemon gatorade
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
