I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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