I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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