Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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