I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
