After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
