i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
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