But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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