my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
