i already hear my dad disowning me
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
