Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I've blown a few things in my day
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
