have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
