Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
i think my cat just said my name.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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