i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
