Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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