i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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