My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
