So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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