I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
