she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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