It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
