Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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