i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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