You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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