marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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