are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
We need a shit load of segways right now
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
