Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
