i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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