just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just invented taco cereal.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
