We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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