Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
