i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
