oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
