I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
