hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
