I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
