am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
