I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
