What did we do last night that was yellow?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
