you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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