I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Randomize
