I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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