I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
