Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
