i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
My liver just had a heart attack.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
