Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
